Finding Terri

 

We all go through different season in life where we have to look back at the lessons we learned and figure out how to use them to live into the season we are in. If we are honest, that happens more times than we care to even think about. Change is never easy, often hard, but always inevitable. 

Somewhere along the way, as I was preparing myself to become a parent to all grown children, there was a season where we had two of our grands in our care the majority of the time. Suddenly, without warning, that changed almost a year ago. It took me several months to come to grips with that reality. Through MUCH prayer and study, crying and pain, God has grown me in ways I never dreamed I could grow. I'm still growing and changing. I know that will continue until my life here is over. I won't be done this side of Heaven. 

I am NOW in the season of learning what it means to be an "empty-nester" and all that goes with it. I spent over thirty-five years with children in my home. That is a really LONG time. Suddenly, my evenings were quiet and I didn't know what to do with the quiet or the time to myself. Want to know the truth? I just sat here. In silence. No TV. No books. Often in the dark. No one to talk to but God. I did  a LOT of that. I prayed more than I did anything else for about seven months. I dug deep in the Word and I searched for answers to all of my questions. I was able to realize from the very first night that HE is the ONLY One who has the answers I am seeking in EVERY situation. He always has been and always will be. My grandma taught me that from the time I was a little girl and walked in that herself as my example to follow.  

Slowly but surely, I have begun to accept the season of life I am in. I began to embrace it and live into it. My evenings became more intentional, not just to shut down. That was an important first step. It didn't happen quickly, maybe an hour at first before deciding to just go lay down despite the fact that I didn't go to sleep. I had to become intentional throughout the day in order to get my mind right BEFORE I was alone. I've come to realize a few things as I walk into this new season. 

I realized my body needs me to treat it better in every way. Despite the fact that fitness and nutrition have been key elements my entire life, I am far from perfect and life just happens. The first few months, since it was summer, I kept running almost daily. I ran as I prayed and cried out for direction.  I kept working out, mostly. I went through periods of time where I did neither. Slowly, I gave into my sweet cravings as well as the other junk food cravings and it altered my hormone balance, AGAIN. I started eating out of boredom and depression. Of course, the more I gave in the more depressed I felt. The foods we put into our bodies controls so many things, including our moods, energy levels and so much more. I also started having different aches and pains that I never had before. I took certain foods out of my diet and noticed changes when I didn't have them for awhile. I'm making some changes to how I stock my kitchen and what products I use. My goal is to support small businesses who produce healthier products. One day, I'm hoping to get myself in the right frame of mind to have a healthy garden that isn't filled with wilted, bug eaten plants but producing wonderful foods for us to pick and eat fresh daily. 

I realized I had to find a way to keep my kitchen clean so that in the evenings that wasn't something I had to feel guilt for NOT doing. Moment of truth, if it is NOT done before 6 then I am NOT going to do it that day. My house has been staying MOSTLY clean, except the kitchen. I started doing the dishes each afternoon while the kids had snack time. As soon as they got their snacks, I started getting the dishes from the previous twenty-four hours done. The sink is right next to the table so I can see and hear them while I get it done quickly and can walk out of that room when they finish, knowing I can check that off my list of to-dos. I can unload that guilt of clutter from my shoulders. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. It also makes me feel good that my husband can see I am making an effort to keep things looking clean and tidy. I've noticed he does more to pick up after himself or does more thoughtful things for me when he sees that I care, not always, but more often.

I realized that getting up super early just didn't bring me joy. Yes, I wanted so badly to get my workout done in the morning AFTER my quiet time with the Lord BUT I sleep my best those two hours that I was missing by getting up at five. I kept my quiet time in the morning after I get up but I moved my workouts to the afternoons right after school except on the weekends. As soon as everyone leaves, I make my cup of water and Energize and either go for a run or push play on a workout. I have noticed that if I wait or get wrapped up on the phone, I will NOT workout at all. I will get stuck in the mode of scrolling or my attention goes elsewhere. I can NOT allow myself to do that. I NEED my workouts every single day in order to FEEL good. It gives me a feeling of joy, energy and wellness. On Saturday mornings, what really starts my day off on the happiest of notes is a run at the park. I get my runs in when I am able. They make me happy!

I realized that I have rearranged and decluttered every room in my house/school. I love a feeling of "new" and fresh that I get when I'm able to change things around. I can honestly say that in the past ten months, I have changed every room in the house with the exception of my bedroom, simply because the furniture will not fit any other way. I would if I could, I'm sure! Every time I go through a room, I do my best to weed out things I can let go of. When it comes to the school part of the house, we do our best to keep things looking fresh and fun for the kids. 

I realized I wasn't allowing myself to read even though it is my favorite things to do. That sounds strange, doesn't it? I'm not really sure why I couldn't allow myself to enjoy reading like I have since I learned how to read at a really young age. I made a mental change and it all came back. I picked up the books I had started but didn't finish and just kept on reading. I'm on book one of a five book series and I can't wait to see how each story fits together. For me, being able to read each day brings me joy that I've missed. It is a HUGE part of who I am, who I have always been. I hope to be able to write many more reviews and share these amazing books with all of my readers following this blog. One day, I just might put my own stories in books for others to read. That has been a life long dream of mine. We will see if God brings that into a reality.

I realized just today, as I was outside alone working on the yard some more, that I had stopped caring about things OUTSIDE my home. I've been working on the inside but in my head, the outside was "his job" so I just sat around complaining that it wasn't done instead of doing the things I needed to do. I spent the majority of the day outside, working on the yard and just sitting in the swing reading or watching the dogs enjoy the sunshine and cool breeze. As we get it cleaned up and looking better every day, I know that I am going to enjoy it more and more. 

I have a long way to go still, I'm not fully back to a functioning adult 24/7. Sometimes, I just want to curl up and hide from the world, from life and all that goes with it. I did really well this weekend, I got out and did things and I read a bunch. I didn't feel down. Each day, I feel a little more alive and I feel a little more hopeful.

I plan to keep on living. I plan to keep on running and lifting weights so I can stay strong as I age. I plan to keep working on what I put in and on my body so I can feel good and live a healthy life. I plan to keep teaching, it is a passion of mine and I love it. I plan to keep reading and writing. I plan to get back to my quilting and baking. I plan on getting back to ALL the things that I love doing and finding NEW things I want to try. I plan on having MANY grand adventures with my grands and my kids, all together and individually. I plan on making more memories with my husband as we celebrate 40 years of marriage next month. 

That being said, I plan on doing whatever God gives me the desire and the ability to do as I strive to live to bring Him glory and honor in everything I do; first and foremost. HE is my reason for living. All the things I mentioned, mean nothing without Him being the center of my life. 

I can't wait to share those adventures with you! 

As Always,

~A Simple Texas Girl living life on the Jesus Way!